is that the lead singer of paramore
(Source: roulette, via deadrabbithopes)
I’m not going to waste time writing a post to introduce myself, you’ll meet me through my writing. What you are about to read is very personal: I’m going to jump straight in at the deep end tonight - I want to talk about mental health. I’ve been on a very long journey, and I’ve got a bunch of…
I kind of maybe know what you mean about the self-identification question mark, but my version is pretty opposite to yours!
I used to have many self esteem issues that I didn’t even realise were there - that is until I went to uni. Around the same time I was at the tail end of an abusive relationship which crumbled my identity entirely and sent me into a year of numbness before I realised that something was really wrong. I went to see our mental health person at uni who referred me to a student therapist person who didn’t really seem very helpful at all despite the fact that I ended up starting to talk out a lot of my feelings. I felt like he had pretty much no idea what I was talking about when I said I felt like I had a lid on my real feelings and I didn’t know what would happen if I let them out. Which was totally helpful.
Then I went and lived pretty much on my own in Barcelona for 3 months, and spent the whole time trying to work through my brain, and feeling everything, writing songs and poetry and blogs for days, staying up til 6am every night. I think I kind of opened the lid then and I’d just spend days in fog trying to word how I felt so that I would at least not feel so lost in it. I felt like I was getting somewhere until I got back to the UK, where it felt like nothing had changed and I was even more worthless than before. I didn’t seek any help but at that point I really should have as I’ve never been so low. I scraped through the module I was doing and spent almost every day feeling like I was chained to my bed, left my room maybe twice a day and just felt blue constantly.
I managed to heft myself out of that state after a few months of it by doing everything that I could to rebuild my identity and make sense of everything that I felt. Ended up building up a circle of friends and felt more and more myself, and eventually ended up feeling like I could be involved with someone again. After a few hugely emotional hiccoughs involving someone from before abusive fartbreath I ended up in this awesome relationship, which I’m still in thankfully. The beginning of that was pretty tricky since I was basically like ‘fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk I’m gonna die when this ends horribly which it inevitably will’ and had to try and get past that but mainly I’ve been quite happy. Every now and then though I end up descending into the foglands. Only once every few months or so but it really scares me.
What I wonder about is what it was exactly that I went through because I called/call it depression but I’m not sure if maybe PTSD is more accurate as I feel like the bulk of my problems came from the crappy relationship I was in before, but then that wasn’t an ‘event’ or ‘incident,’ rather a year and a half of my sense of self being slowly grated away like dry skin from cracked heels.
Sooo I dunno.
Anyway there’s the story of my life for you K. Ha!
I keep speaking in a fake British accent, just to bother the boyfriend while watching Sherlock. Haha how do I even have a boyfriend?
I often think this of myself, only I am British so not so much with the accent and more with the being a general goof..
First use of cafetiere. :(
We may have drunk some of the coffee after because we were so sad and the coffee smelled good
Let’s take a look at a few of my favs so far;
Sassy Waterstones worker, I love you,
And well this is true:
Sometimes I do worry about their psyche though:
They make up cool new words;
They’re a sassy little shit.
And best of all, the Holden debacle;
And one more for good luck:
omg i just followed them on twitter because of this post
I have watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy just focusing on Legolas. And it is pure gold.
Fuck It’s time I do the same..
This is why I have a forever lasting love for legolas and orlando bloom
Need to do this!
He does have the best line of the trilogy though. Which I shouldn’t need to say since it should already be booming through ya heads.
Oh, the many ways I love my boyfriend.
Not that any of it was his idea. It was all mine. But I liked that he was a huge fan of the idea too.
Sleepy at work. Reeeal sleepy at work.
I can’t remember but is this the first time we’re hearing things from Samwell’s point of view?
I’m pretty sure it is - before we only really hear from Jon..
That’s what I thought. I get so excited over new character perspectives.
Then new character perspectives you shall have ;)
Personally I’m waiting for a Hodor chapter. That will make my world.
Oh dear, ten + pages of “hodor, hodor? HODOR!”
It’d be an exciting challenge! Trying to figure out what was actually happening… Or perhaps finding out more about Hodor’s tortured past:
Hodor hodor hodor, hodor Hodor hodor hodor.. Hodor. “Hodor hodor,” hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor.
"Hodor, Hodor! Hodor hodor HODOR hodor hodor hodor!"
"Hodor hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor, Hodor."
^ as you can see, the above was the excerpt about Hodor’s commitment-phobe ex breaking off their engagement. That damned Tyrell woman…
Stout ice cream sounds like an admirable adversary. You may pass.