I can see now why people say being in a relationship needs work, and why people say there’s a difference between the stage where you’re in love and when you love, or whatever. I can’t remember what people say but it’s something like that and the basic gist is that once everything stops being lovely and perfect if you still love each other and want to be together then it’s really something.
It’s been a really tough month for me and N when it should have been lovely - 2nd anniversary and his birthday were both surrounded by emotional discomfort and questions for ourselves and each other. It’s a tricky one because I like things to be neat, clear and solvable and they’re not neat, we have both messed things up at various points and we can’t really find out if it’s been solved until we’re in a similar situation some point in the future.
It’s strange because I suppose until now the path has been really clear and now it’s all foggy. Maybe it’s because he’s about to finish uni and god knows it was foggy for me when I left. Living situation next year is unclear..obviously he will have to find a way to make a living to support himself for the first time (pretty much) which is difficult in itself especially at the moment..whereas until now he’s known what he’s doing (uni) and it’s been solid that he would be living where he was etc etc.
I think that before I had this really clear image of us looking for and finding somewhere to live together and in good time, but both of our contracts will run out while he is in Scotland and he’s planning on staying there for a while. As it stands I don’t really want to move if I don’t have to - I am happy where I live and I’d rather stay there for longer if it means not turning my life upside down for an unforseeable amount of time (aka moving into my dad’s house until ????) and ideally we’ll extend my contract for 6 months and he will move in a month or so later and life will be lovely and we’ll find somewhere for just us by the time the contract is done. It might not turn out that way but that’s the dream.
Anyway I guess my point is *whine* being an adult is soo haaaarrrrd!!! But at the same time even though all of this is stressful I am still happy I’m with him and I know it’s in a healthy way which is once again 10x better than previous situation. I suppose I am just looking forward to the ground levelling out a bit. At the moment there are many trees obstructing the view (ooh hiking metaphor).
Peace out kids (ugh self).