15. “Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.”
How big a bucket of edible body paint would you need to dip your breasts in it? And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting? Doesn’t this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus?
16. “Draw an attention-grabbing circle around your nipples using rhinestones and body glue for a special night in.”
Definitely wait for a special night. Nothing’s sadder than body-gluing rhinestones around your nipples on a Tuesday. What is this, the Midwest?
19. “Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other’s body, such as the nipples.”
On an unrelated note, this is also a great way to train your cat not to pee on the rug.
35. “As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, ‘See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.’”
Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, “OM NOM NOM NOM.”